10 years ago I made the decision to quit drinking for good.
It had been a long time coming; after at least a year of harm reduction attempts, with mixed results, I finally reached the point where I was done forever. Done with the legendary hangovers, riding my bike around (and doing whatever else) blacked out, and saying things I regretted the next day.
I’m obviously still a very flawed, imperfect human, but I can honestly say that the non-drinking version of me is the best — for myself and everyone else.
The following reflections are from my personal experience with sobriety. Some of these surprised me, but the one that really snuck up on me was that sobriety gave me back to myself.
It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Here’s 10 things I learned from 10 years of sobriety.
1. Sobriety Doesn’t Suck
Before I got sober, I thought people who didn’t drink just didn’t do anything. Like they stayed at home all the time (because why would anyone want to leave the house unless there was a drink involved?). Turns out some of the wildest, weirdest people are sober. They’re skydiving, doing CrossFit and Triathlons, starting businesses, making music and art, doing drag, and all the things, probably with more energy and resources than people who drink.
What actually sucked for me was drinking: it sucked away my time, money, energy, and to some extent, my dreams.
2. There’s A Lot of Us Out Here
When I opened up about my sobriety, certain people I knew started reaching out saying they were also sober. A lot more people than I thought. There’s a good chance you probably interact with sober folks on a daily basis and might never know.
In recent years I’ve seen more people raising awareness about inclusion throughout different scenes — like having more nonalcoholic offerings at bars — because not everyone wants to or can drink alcohol when they go out. I love this greater visibility and awareness.
3. I Saved Money
I started saving money for the first time in my life. It’s not a given for everyone who quits drinking, but it was true for me.
When I was a newly-sober line cook, I had a practice of stuffing all my daily cash tips (after buying food and other essentials) in a tall, fancy ginger beer bottle. After a period of time, I broke that bottle open and had enough for a goal I set: a ten day vacation, all expenses included, and then some.
I used to have this impression that drinking was ‘vacation’ for poor people, since I couldn’t afford a real one. It turned out that saving the money I spent on drinking everyday could be put towards what my mind and body really needed, which was time off, massage therapy, vacations, and etc. Not everyone has the privileges of living cheaply like I did, and not saying I was rolling in the dough either, but for me, quitting drinking was an opportunity to reallocate those funds towards real rest and recovery.
4. It Gets Easier
For most of my life I built an identity around being a punk who smoked and drank almost every night. The first year or so of sobriety was asking, ‘What do I do with myself now?’
In the beginning I ate lots of ice cream and treats, watched movies, wrote, went to therapy, read books, and hung out with other sober people. The first time I felt comfortable going to a show was a breakthrough: I could go out, see a band I really liked, and remember everything.
I forget at what point I ‘crossed over,’ but now being sober is just who I am. I’m just the guy who doesn’t drink.
5. I Physically Feel Better
A few months after I quit smoking (about a year before I quit drinking), a friend told me I looked better, that the color had come back to my face. That made a lot of sense, especially because smoking is the worst for your skin. The same effect was true when I quit drinking. I got my ‘glow’ back. I was so much more stable without the cycle of inebriation and hangover. I had more energy, which I funneled into cycling and the gym.
Even after 10 years of sobriety, I can still remember some of my worst hangovers. No thank you. Without drinking to excess, alcohol has health risks with even moderate amounts.
6. AA Wasn’t For Me
I went to a fair amount of 12 step meetings in my first year of sobriety, but I never agreed with the underlying spiritual principles of the program and eventually left. I was raised in an evangelical church and had gone through such an intense process of breaking away and deprogramming, so anything close to churchy language is a big No for me. That said, AA provided friends and community that were a big support for me in my first sober year. There’s also plenty of sayings and kernels of wisdom that I gleaned from AA that still ring true. I took what worked and left the rest.
7. My Relationships Got Better
I never had any sober relationships before I quit drinking. All of my romantic relationships and friendships involved drinking. Sobriety has been an incredible foundation for healthy relationships and friendships throughout the years.
8. These New N/A Drinks Are Good
In my freshly-sober days it seemed like coffee, tea, water, and LaCroix would be my mainstays, but recently the nonalcoholic beverage industry has exploded. Companies like Athletic Brewing Co., The Pathfinder, and Jøyus wines are making standout beverages that have all the complex, elevated experiences of craft alcoholic drinks, without the booze. I used to think nonalcoholic beers were kind of cheesy, but these brands are real game changers.
9. I Had to Face the World, and Myself, Sober
I realized that part of why I drank was to quell my anxieties. Much of my young adulthood was spent just trying to survive, stay housed, and get an income. I didn’t realize until after getting sober that a lot of those anxieties were still running in the background. Drinking was also a way of numbing any social anxiety I felt. Getting sober forced me to face those anxieties, something that I’m not any closer to ‘solving,’ but I’d say I have a better toolkit to help with treating it. There’s also something really humanizing and vulnerable about acknowledging and admitting what my struggles are, instead of trying to numb them away.
10. I Got Myself Back
This is kind of like the other side of the last point: I got myself back. I reconnected with versions of my past selves before I started drinking. And those things were pretty cool. Before I drank, I would draw, write, and read all the time. I reconnected with a younger dream of writing for a living. Without sobriety, I probably wouldn’t have had the energy or fortitude for making an exit plan from the service industry. Now almost four years as a full-time freelance writer, editor, and journalist, I attribute much of my success to being sober.
Reconnecting with myself also meant being present to experience my authentic changes. My priorities, dreams, and identities have changed significantly compared to who I was 10, five, or even a year ago, and each change has been an enthusiastic Yes.
‘There’s No Problem That Drinking Can Fix’
It’s a saying I picked up somewhere, probably from an AA meeting, but it’s true. A commitment to sobriety been a source of comfort and stability, especially in hard times. Especially throughout the pandemic. Quitting drinking is boundary-setting. Even on my hardest day, I know I’m infinitely better off because I’m not drinking.
My life has dramatically changed for the better in 10 years, and I am extremely grateful to celebrate this milestone.
I am so proud to be sober.